June 2019 Moe Howard Auction
This lot is closed for bidding. Bidding ended on 6/28/2019
Manuscript reads,
"Just before operation
Joe - I have to see a patient
Moe - you can't go now Dr, we have our Debut on T.V. in 3 minutes. (To off stage)
Wheel the patient out please --- - what? -- no patient?
(To Larry + Joe) There's no patient.
Larry What will our sponsor say
Joe (Winks at Moe points to Larry)
Moe Don't worry we have a patient (Moe + Joe keep looking at Larry)
Larry Oh no you dont Dr. -- Not me.
Joe How do you feel Dr.
Larry Fine + dandy
Moe you look terrible
Larry I feel wonderful
Moe (Smacks Larry while Joe sticks Hyperdermic in his can
Larry (yells in pain)
Moe How do you feel now Dr
Larry Ive got a terrible headache down to here (ass)(He staggers ready to pass out)
Moe + Joe (Hold Larry up as we ---) Blackout
In the dark, over, the loudspeaker
Ladies + Gentlemen for the first time on television
we bring you live [?] the Headache Medic Show - An operation on T.V.
in compatible color. Sponsored by the Swift Meat Packing Co.
Ladies you too can perform surgery at home with our new Do it
yourself kit all you do is send in 1.00 and top of
your husbands head. And now Headache medic is on the air ([?]
Blood curdling) Lights up.
[page crossed out]
(1) Operation
Hyperdermic
Headache down to here
Moe - (puts hand in bucket) oh nurse
nurse (comes on) yes!
Moe (Don't touch me I'm sterile) my Glove
Puts on gloves
Nurse (puts depresser (ruler) in mouth) open your mouth
say ah.
Moe Please - whats wrong with you you don't need those glasses gag. (Turns table around)
Larry (sits up)
Joe what sort of operation would you like?
Larry what kind have you got
Moe We have Gall bladder 60.00
appendix 65.00
Hysterectomy 70.00
and the special of the day
Liver 80 with onions 1.00
Larry Ill take the works
Moe nurse Give him the [strikethrough words] Enter Joe (Puts [?] on face- there's no enter
Joe- whacks Larry on head with mallet
Moe Prepare for surgery -- Scalpel
Joe Scalpel -- Given knife.
Moe (makes cut) [?]
Joe - [?] (hands him saw)
Moe - (Loud) [?]
Joe - oh [?] (Gives him wrench)
Moe - How about these
Joe - Leave those alone
Moe - (Twists wrench under shirt)
Larry Quiet youre making me nervous
Moe Hits him with mallet
[Page crossed out]
(2) (Operation)
Ladies and Gentlemen this portion of or show will be
sponsored by Miles Laboratory makers of alkaseltzer that
wonderful product that cures acid indigestion - you drop
one pill in a glass of water drink it + you can kiss your
acid indigestion good bye.
(Moe lifts sheet sees cut) My goodness who made this
incision, this is the work of a butcher
he wont live through Its terrible, who
did it.
Joe you did
Moe Isnt it beautiful the work of a master; cleanest incision Ive ever seen. On a clear day you can see?
Nurse what shall we remove Dr.
Moe I don't know everything looks good.
Joe (while Moe is looking reaches under.) How about these
Moe Leave those alone
I think I'll close my eyes + take [?]
(3)
Moe: youre stupid
Joe: you didn't say that last night in the motel
Moe Last night I was stupid -- Thread
Joe (Passes Thread in Moes Left hand)
Moe needle
Joe (Pushes needle in Moes Right Hand)
Moe (Takes needle out of hand puts it in coat.) (unspools thread)
(Takes needle out of coat with left hand, bites off end
of thread, spits thread out to one side, tries to push thread
through eye, hits Joe in Kisser, Gives needle + thread
to Joe and says)
You thread it, I'm wearing my short eyeballs
Joe Takes needle + thread, bites off end, spits it in Moe's face
Threads needle.)
Moe (Reaches for needle with left hand)
Joe (stabs needle in Moes left hand.)
Moe (Does business off poking needle through his
hand, thru shoulder etc, then takes it out.
Joe whatll I do with these
Moe Put those back I wonder shall
I use a back stich or a cross stich.
Joe Do a hemstich it
looks sporty around the locker room
Moe Right (sees Larry up) Success, Success (Try to
wake Larry up, he doesnt move)
There's something wrong.
Joe (Taps Moe on shoulder)
Moe Dont annoy me, theres something wrong here
Joe (Takes heart out of container holds it up) (Sound effects
Moe (Listens (hears sound effect) Thats whats wrong. It happens
to me everytime, I must have 4 or 5 of those laying around
(3) Operation
(Doesn't move)
- somethings wrong nurse.
Do you think he needs his heart.
(Points to container)
Moe - Oh yes -- He'll need that (Picks heart out of container)(Heart
Beat effects) (Notices throat cut motion off stage)
Music sneaks in louder very bright tempo as
Moe says to Joe -- -- Scalpel.
Joe Scalpel (hands Moe Knife)
Moe (makes quick cut - Throws Heart in, tries to thread
another needle, give it to Joe.
Joe Threads needle gives it to Moe
Moe (Quickly sews with sound effects.) (Music dies down)
Larry (Gets up and like a fagg says) which way to the nurses quarters
Joe Somebody Goofed.
Moe I told you to put those back (smack)
Song
If your old man can't help you
When you want a family
Dont get upset cause you can it it Scientifically
And we guarantee, a ma you'll be
If you will come to see
Doctor Kildare, Doctor Kinsey and young Dr. Malone
(4)
Moe (Looking off stage) what, what
(To Joe, I can't hear a thing, [?]
that thing off!
Joe (Punches heart tight, a little bubble comes up from baloon, effect
Moe (To off stage) We're running out of time? We've got to -------
(To Joe Hurry up, we're late.
(Takes scalpel, cuts open again, takes heart from Joe (sound effects)
Throw it under shirt, needle + thread, sew him up, wake Larry
How do you feel Dr.
Larry (Queer,) oh fine, youre the cutest
Joe somebody goofed
Moe I told you to put these back (smack)
Song finish"
Moe Howard's 6pp. Handwritten Skit, With Curly Joe, Involving a Surgical Operation -- Signed Multiple Times, & With Some Sections Crossed Out -- On Four Sheets of 8.5'' x 11.25'' Paper -- Very Good
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